Adrenaline Junkie Writes Profane Work Email, Hovers Mouse Over ‘Reply All’

CHICAGO – Vacillating between the dangerously irresponsible pursuit of exhilaration through danger and prudent sanity, adrenaline junkie Sam Witherspoon wrote a profane work email Tuesday and hovered his mouse above the ‘Reply All’ button. “There’s no high like knowing you could send a company-wide email calling your boss a ‘dickhead’ with the sign off, ‘peace bitches’, said Witherspoon who used to skate board, sky dive and go cage diving with great white sharks as he leaned back in his cubicle chair, put his feet on his desk and chugged a Mountain Dew Kickstarter. “What’s the point of living if you don’t feel alive? Next week I’m planning on asking the girl I see on the bus to work who she voted for president.” At press time Witherspoon was cleaning out his desk after being fired.