DALLAS – Illustrating that their son had failed to become even a decent human being, Jackson High School guidance counselor Michael Robertson explained to Kyle and Macy Gottlieb Thursday that their son, Bryce Gottlieb, is only acting out because he is a huge piece of shit. “It’s not like he even has an excuse like you two haven’t been around or he’s poor or he’s been discriminated against,” said Robertson, who through 16 years as a counselor, has dealt with countless pieces of shit like the lacrosse playing high school junior. “We see a lot of this in suburban communities. Kids avoiding responsibility, disrespecting authority figures, bullying others, and taking all their advantages for granted and it really originates because they’re just innately selfish fuckfaces.” At press time Bryce had failed to attend his shift as a waiter at a restaurant to smoke weed with his friends in his lifted Ford F-150.
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